Tadpole is down for her second nap. The cat is curled up next to me on the bed. This is seriously hampering any attempts to finish up the last few tasks for work. They'll get done, though.
A few notes from the first week of stay-at-home-dadness:
Having my daughter grab onto my arm & grin up at me while I was changing her was pretty special today. Just laid there quite happy in her new diaper and smiled up at daddy.
The parenting impulse is stronger than I had expected. We visited a daycare yesterday, which I was generally very impressed with, but there's part of me screaming "no, don't give up this time with your daughter, they won't love her like you will!". Which, of course, is true. There are two good responses to this - first, I can't really be the father I want to be for her, that guy is on a pretty huge pedestal, since he needs to be worth of my daughter. Second, they'll love & challenge Tadpole in a lot of new ways that I can't. There will be other babies there (which Tadpole generally finds fascinating) and most seem a little farther ahead developmentally, which will probably push her to develop new skills and abilities.
Sometimes I can acknowledge that rationally. But it's tough. Mostly I just want to be with my daughter & make her smile.
Parenting is a lot more exhausting than I'd expected. There is not enough cleaning getting done, not enough work getting finished (as mentioned above), and not enough directed me time. Pretty much, when Tadpole naps, I collapse, track some social media, and do other relatively mindless things (including this blog). If I do plan to stay with her long term, I need to find a way to change that.
In other ways, though, being Stay at Home Dad is a lot easier than I expected, though, mostly because Tadpole is such an easy baby. It's important to keep her fed & changed, but in general, she's happy to amuse herself for a while while I prep a bottle or do some dishes. Plus, she lets me listen to NPR (which R is finally starting to tolerate) and Joan Baez (who is otherwise verboten in our household).
I am more than just a father to my daughter. November 1 starts NaNoWriMo, which I successfully completed last year. I'm hoping to finish again this year, probably with a sci-fi novel that is way to long in the outline right now. I am trying to get more organized (a task which seemed like it would be more pressing when working, but which I think counterintuitively took on an added urgency without the structure of work). I read David Allen's "Getting Things Done" a while ago (and highly recommend it to anyone who feels that life's a little out of control), and just started using ZenDone, a web app that works well with Evernote (another amazing note taking application that I guarantee works on your electronic device of choice) - I'd also really like to expand my own technical skills while working on getting more organized and providing feedback to a stellar product still in its infancy. Plus, I need friends (about that more later - it's a project for next year). The bottom line is that there have been a few moments when I was able to be Suddenly Stay at Home Dad AND Young Motivated Urban Professional (YMUP?), but there was also a lot of losing myself in Tadpole's gorgeous blue eyes. Not necessarily bad this week, but not something I can do very often.
So - Parenting is wonderful. I'm more uptight about it than I expected. I'm also more tired than I expected. It's not quite as hard as I'd thought, but then again, I haven't tried to parent & be me, which is necessary for maintaining a healthy situation. Those are enough lessons for week 1. Plus, I need to see if my phone has managed to get to iOS 5 yet.
Gotta go - Tadpole's about to wake up!
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